hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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