What did I eat last night that was bloody?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
