and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
