according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize