White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
