The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
