my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
