from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
