Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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