He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Randomize
