so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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