He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
