she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
