Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Randomize
