is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
