so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
