when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
