That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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