it wasn't lemon gatorade
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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