when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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