I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
