I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
