I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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