All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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