Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
