I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
