my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
