Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
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