I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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