pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
