Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
