I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize