If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
