It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
