I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
