Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
