I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
