Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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