Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize