Betty ford says i'm here all night
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
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OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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