It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
