meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
