Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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