That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
