I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
