Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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