The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
