my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize