Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I want to have your abortion
someone get that fucking seahorse.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
