You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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