I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
