So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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