separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
