So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
