there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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