just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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