he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
