So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize