they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
