There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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