One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
