Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
