But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
