i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
