I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
