It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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