hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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