My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
