So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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