My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
The beer is more important than you right now.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
