So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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